the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
