I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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