I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
