Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
