party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
