It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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