guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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