he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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