I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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