their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
