I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
