I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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