sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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