question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
