i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Acid is not a monday night drug
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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