my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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