so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
