Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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