Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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