haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
