Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
