No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
