Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
