Sponge bath it is.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
