just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
