As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
