I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
