phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
