i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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