Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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