Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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