They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
