The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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