My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
zippers are such a cool invention
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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