just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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