So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
