I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
