I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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