I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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