Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
