Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
