i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm both gender and math confused
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
