even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
