there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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