If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish there were birth control emojis
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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