Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
