a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
