I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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