I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
