I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
