can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
