I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
