Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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