I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
