Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
