That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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