your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
