you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
